You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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