You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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