He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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