She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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