I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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