he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize