please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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