just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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