Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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