Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize