Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
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They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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