I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize