I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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