I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize