I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize