so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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