He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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