Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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