I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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