and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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