so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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We left the knife in your bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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