Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize