fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize