I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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