I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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