There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Floor bacon is actually really good
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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