Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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