Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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