This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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