Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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