Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize