You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize