Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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