I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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