i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize