I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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