im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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