We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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