her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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