We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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