My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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