look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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