my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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