I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize