If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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