How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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