My girlfriend figured out who you are.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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