He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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