Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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