hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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